In reality, I never thought that this would be the path I chose.
Wait! scratch that, I still haven’t chosen a path and I don’t have a plan. Life has become a day by day existence with the occasional plot twist deprived of a climax. It’s more like walking up the side of the hill but never reaching the top. Casually, I walk back down without looking up.
The rut of everyday life is dull. Excitement is minimal, I often sit back and wonder: When did this happen? No, I never imagined things would be this mundane. I often lay awake at night creating excitement in my mind, imagining characters and scenarios with dramatic endings— then I go to sleep.
I live in my existence longing for a difference, boredom consumes me while pleasure eludes me.
By now I imagined my life would be complete. The husband, the kids, the home, the career and I can’t forget the minivan complete with a carpooling schedule. Yea, well at least I have a cat. I think I am on my way to becoming “The Crazy Cat Lady.” I could hoard a herd of cats and let them be my friends. At this point, it doesn’t seem like a bad idea, and then when kids walk by I can scare them. I’ll run out of my first-floor apartment with my worn fuzzy slippers and tattered bathrobe. I am sure that would be the highlight of my lonely days.
Often, well most nights…
Who am I kidding! Every night I sit at home with Ben & Jerry’s watching Friends re-runs. “Your life’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s D.O.A. It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear. When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month or even your year.” That is probably the most accurate description of my life and it’s in the theme song of a show I am always watching. How sad am I, reminding myself of this never-ending rut?
I forget what a love life is like. It’s been mishap after mishap and now my life is dryer than the Sahara Desert on the hottest day. The last guy took me for a spin but it didn’t work out, and I don’t even know why. Occasionally, I find myself wondering where I went wrong and then I snap out of it.
I think I don’t know how to date, my attempts at flirting are abysmal and if guys didn’t make the first move I’m sure I would still be a virgin. I have never been that girl because I just don’t know how to be her.
Oh well…. woe is me, right?
Ring, ring, ring….
I can’t believe he’s calling me. I never thought I would hear from him again.
We talked as if nothing happened, even though I know something did. Although, I don’t understand what happened or why he left, but I do know that it feels right talking to him again. He triggered some weird feelings, stirred the pot and walked away as it boiled over. I am sure he meant to do that. He’s arrogant and charming all at the same time. What a jerk! but he’s so cute, smart, and well—Yes dammit! he’s packing below the waist. As women, we often lie and say size doesn’t matter. But YES it absolutely does!
I think, no, I am sure that if he would have told me to jump I would have said, “How high?” I know I sound like an idiot, but I don’t care. That man did it for me! Well, I was hoping he would do it to me!
I guess I better get ready. He said he’s picking me up tonight and I have to go get some razors just in case. Well, I am hoping that is the case.