I should write some more. I think about the things I should be writing but I have yet to actually write anything. I may be over thinking everything in my life right now, there really isn’t much going on other than reading books and hanging out with my daughters.
I finally graduated in May. It took me ten years to receive my Bachelor’s degree but I finally did it.
Walking across that stage marks the beginning and end simultaneously. A decade of my life is over but something new is on the horizon or so I keep hearing. Part of me feels like a lost puppy wandering through a rain storm trying to find a home.
I am unsure of what I am supposed to do now that I have time on my hands.
Well—for starters I have started reading all those other books that are on my to be read list. Here are just a few:
- Ray Bradury Zen in the Art of Writing (Completed)
- The Bhagavad Git (Krishna’s Counsel in the Time of War) (Completed)
- Cofedaracy of Dunces (In progress)
- Good Omens (In Progress)
- Shadow of the Wind (Reread just because it’s GREAT; I am going to buy it in Spanish to read that version also)
Another thing I have been able to do is really get back to basics.
I now have a lot more time to hang out with my kids, but I also realize how much older they are. Soon, they will be leaving my side to journey on their own path in life. I wonder about their future because that’s what I do. I wonder how they will grow up and where they will go, I wonder if I have done enough and then I worry a little bit more than I should.
I worry about how life will test them and try to break them. And all I can do is hope that they find the strength to over come anything that can or might happen to them in their lives. My role is to be there for them through any and every moment, to cry with them when they’re disappointed and to rejoice in the laughter and happiness. Most assuredly, having children is one of the most challenging aspects of life.
Learning how to let go, when to worry, when not to worry are all daily struggles in my life as a parent. The biggest struggle is not over reacting, which I do quite often. A quote from a new favorite book Shadow of the Wind explains best what I and countless other parents can’t quite put into words:
“If you ever have a daughter – a blessing I wouldn’t wish on anyone, because it’s Murphy’s Law that sooner or later she will break your heart – anyhow, as I was saying, if you ever have a daughter, you’ll begin, without realizing it, to divide men into two camps: those you suspect are sleeping with her and those you don’t. Whoever says that’s not true is lying through his teeth.”
Maybe, I have way too much time on my hands right now but I think it has allowed me to realize the precious finite amount of time I have left with my daughters.
So in between creating more memories with my daughters I will read.