Releasing Writing Fears

I like writing but I am hesitant about sharing. Self-doubt, apprehension, and fear continuously rear their putrid heads over and over again.  The self-doubt and apprehension lead me to write. In part, I believe that this is an oxymoron because the fear and apprehension should make me run from the craft.

The exploration of my language leaves me at a loss sometimes. I am lost in my thoughts and words— constantly. I am lost in observation and I am lost in the wonderment of exploration. I can explore the darkest thoughts of my mind and create something truly unique or I can create a poem that embraces every romantic idea I have ever come across and yet somehow, I feel it’s never good enough.

It’s not good enough so it’s not worth sharing.

I have so many creations, characters, and plots that are begging for exposure.

They haunt my thoughts daily.

They chase me down dark damp dreary desolate corridors.

They rush to the forefront seeking the spotlight in the world. They long to enter the minds of others and leave behind an impression of existence.

And, then, there is me.

I stand in the way of everything. I place myself between the world and my words.

Is this intentional sabotage or uncertainty? It may be both.

So I have decided to make myself uncomfortable!   I am trying to share more, I am seeking exposure, albeit, baby steps but nonetheless steps in the WRITE direction.

The first thing I did was enter a poetry contest. This forced me to create and compile a collection of my poetry. A total of 51 poems which explore my love of poetry by exploring the concepts of identity, love, sex, fear, torment, nature, and any other experience of the human existence I could muster up from the left and right hemispheres of my brain.

I am also going to continue my novel, a multi-cultural contemporary romance novel sprinkled with history. The book explores the harsh realities of love, loss, grief, trauma, history and there is the possibility of happiness (this is still to be determined).

And—for my last trick there are these short stories I have been working on. Sorted little tales I take the most pleasure in writing.

I am exploring the world of writing, my world of writing. I am going to take the time and cultivate my craft and figure out what I will do with it in the next few months.

I invite you to share your writing fears, inhibitions or apprehensions. Expose them, explore them then release them.

Music Mondays: Changes

Change starts with you! Remember your history as a warning, learn from the lessons of the past. Changes start with people like us-it is up to us to make things all right.

 

 

The Poet & Writer

I want to be a poet, so I say “I am a poet.” I want to be a writer, so I say “I am a writer.” I have these tales in my head I write them down. I have these poems I place in this dumping ground. They’re rough draft versions that need much work.

Editing- that’s what they need.

Editing, the dreaded daunting task of correcting my own work. In this exercise, I stab my piece and make it bleed. Slashing the prose of my mind, I become the killer—my very own horror movie. Holding a knife I cut through the surface of ideas, what a bloody mess! I begin stitching together the remains- I’m creating Frankenstein.

I have blood on my hands.

I must massacre all my hard work.

The blood, sweat, tears and hand cramps didn’t create an impeccable first draft. I do not want to hack away any piece of them, of the story or the lines of poems. I am, emotionally invested in the purpose of my prose.

Weaving together intricacies, creating new identities, giving life to the characters you read. Even made up people have feelings too!

I know that what I have is a draft. I know that I must continue to create.

I know that I must learn to walk away.

Breathe and take a break.

To write and create!

Let’s Share: What Stephen King Taught Me

K.D. Dowdall states: “I was a competent mimic.” Why does this particular line speak to me? Well, because it encomapsses everything that any artist needs in order to perfect their craft. The reason is because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. For writers if you do not know how to imitate the style of those authors you love then you can’t write. You will not be able to take your reader on a journey and loose them within the creations of life you penned and you’ll loose them to the world in the first line.

I heard this at the writers conference critique, “The begining should be a promise to your reader.” That stuck with me, it is a powerful concept to think that as a writer I promise to guide my reader on a journey.

If you can’t keep that promise then how can you write?

 

 

 

Pen & Paper

Stephan King

Stephen King wrote a seminal work on fantasy fiction writing—a memoir of the craft on writing by the same name: Stephen King: A memoir of the Craft – On Writing.

When I decided to write fantasy fiction, instead of just dreaming about it, I decided the best place to start would be with Stephen King. Who better to learn from but a master fiction writer?  So, I purchased his book in the year 2005, read it several times, high-lighted tantalizing concepts, tabbed with sticky writable tabs until I had outlined the entire book.  I soon learned that reading about writing, tabbing every conceivable point of interest does not necessarily create a master fiction writer or even a mediocre fiction writer.

So, I stopped reading books on writing and just started reading books I loved: Grimm’s Fairy Tales, Edgar Allen Poe, Harry Potter, Hans Christian Anderson, and so many others.  I…

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Music Monday’s

I forgot it was Monday and that I should be sharing some music. In the spirit of this weekend-here are my choices.

Notice the recurring theme!

Because I am a queen that thing goes on-and-on.

Liebster Award

Thank you very much to K.D. Dowdall for nominating me for the Liebster Award! I am humbled to be recognized by other bloggers. Please visit K.D. Dowdall at: https://karendowdall.com/  and you will find a beautifully written and thoughtful blog.

The Rules:

  • Say thank you to the person who nominated you for the award.
  • Answer the 11 questions you have been asked.
  • Nominate and notify 11 bloggers for the award.
  • Ask those you have nominated 11 questions.

The Questions:

  1. Why did you choose book blogging over something else?

It came at the suggestion of my English Professor Charles French. He kept suggesting it and one day I decided to try it!

  1. What is one thing you’re really passionate about beside books?

My daughters and education. These two go hand in hand. I noticed that there was a clear difference in the education they received when we lived in a poor neighborhood vs. when we moved into a township. I made the decision to move so that my children can attend a better school. The funny thing is that these schools were in the same school district one school served a poor neighborhood and the other didn’t. These schools were also less than a mile away from each other. So I tell everyone who will listen about what I experienced because it is my ultimate belief that education is the most important equalizer we have as a society and when school in the same district provide different education based on resources then I believe that is a problem.

  1. Have your reading tastes changed over the years?

I guess they have but I am not really sure.

  1. What is your favorite vacation spot?

Vacation? Me… I am way over due for one.

  1. Do you collect anything (other than books)?

Yarn, I crochet. I buy yarn because in my mind I am going to make a new hat or a pair of gloves with the beautiful yarn I see in front of me. I have several projects started but they are all put away for the summer.

  1. What has been your favorite book so far this year?

Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruis Zafon, a magical book that sweeps you away into the pages. There are books and then there are books. This is the latter the vivid imagery and connection to the this story made this one of those books that will remain with me forever. I loved it so much I picked up the Spanish copy to read it and two more of his books.

  1. What is one law you would change if you could?

When I am President I will let you know the answer to this.

  1. If you had to donate money to a charity, which one would you choose?

Honestly, I would start my own.

  1. What is your favorite genre to read?

Anything Ray Bradbury, I like historical fiction, science-fiction and… Books, books are my favorite genre to read.

  1. 1 What is your dream car?

Well, I had my dream car until the accident so now I just want a good car with all-wheel drive winters are brutal some years.

  1. What do you consider your greatest accomplishment?

Well, after many years I would say completing my degree is one of those accomplishments. I recently just finished my BA this year, which is exciting after the many years of part-time school, full-time work and raising children I received Latin honors of Cum Laude, although I curse my final A-, which stood between me and my Magna. Other than that, my daughters are my biggest accomplishment, they never cease to amaze me. Sometimes they speak and leave me in awe because they really do pay attention and they really are taking in more than I thought they were.  Although, the world needs to be forewarned they really are like their mother.

They are my  yin-yang, as if one of me wasn’t enough for the world.

My nominees:

I don’t have any this time around. Those I wanted to nominate have the award already or have it listed that they are an award free blog but here are a few of my favs for you to check out

https://mirissaprice.wordpress.com/

https://comicallyquirky.com/

https://karendowdall.com/

https://theagingsub.wordpress.com/

https://charlesfrenchonwordsreadingandwriting.wordpress.com/

Reading and Daughters

I should write some more. I think about the things I should be writing but I have yet to actually write anything. I may be over thinking everything in my life right now, there really isn’t much going on other than reading books and hanging out with my daughters.

I finally graduated in May. It took me ten years to receive my Bachelor’s degree but I finally did it.

Walking across that stage marks the beginning and end simultaneously. A decade of my life is over but something new is on the horizon or so I keep hearing. Part of me feels like a lost puppy wandering through a rain storm trying to find a home.

I am unsure of what I am supposed to do now that I have time on my hands.

Well—for starters I have started reading all those other books that are on my to be read list. Here are just a few:

  1. Ray Bradury Zen in the Art of Writing (Completed)
  2. The Bhagavad Git (Krishna’s Counsel in the Time of War) (Completed)
  3. Cofedaracy of Dunces (In progress)
  4. Good Omens (In Progress)
  5. Shadow of the Wind (Reread just because it’s GREAT; I am going to buy it in Spanish to read that version also)

Another thing I have been able to do is really get back to basics.

I now have a lot more time to hang out with my kids, but I also realize how much older they are. Soon, they will be leaving my side to journey on their own path in life. I wonder about their future because that’s what I do. I wonder how they will grow up and where they will go, I wonder if I have done enough and then I worry a little bit more than I should.

I worry about how life will test them and try to break them. And all I can do is hope that they find the strength to over come anything that can or might happen to them in their lives. My role is to be there for them through any and every moment, to cry with them when they’re disappointed and to rejoice in the laughter and happiness. Most assuredly, having children is one of the most challenging aspects of life.

Learning how to let go, when to worry, when not to worry are all daily struggles in my life as a parent. The biggest struggle is not over reacting, which I do quite often. A quote from a new favorite book Shadow of the Wind explains best what I and countless other parents can’t quite put into words:

“If you ever have a daughter – a blessing I wouldn’t wish on anyone, because it’s Murphy’s Law that sooner or later she will break your heart – anyhow, as I was saying, if you ever have a daughter, you’ll begin, without realizing it, to divide men into two camps: those you suspect are sleeping with her and those you don’t. Whoever says that’s not true is lying through his teeth.”

Maybe, I have way too much time on my hands right now but I think it has allowed me to realize the precious finite amount of time I have left with my daughters.

So in between creating more memories with my daughters I will read.

In Passing

In passing-
you walked on by without a word,
moved away so stealthily- swiftly moved and out of sight;
careening on your route.

I moved on by,
afraid to speak- for fear you’d laugh at me;
I thought I might break my flight;
and ask you words out loud,
Alas, I choked-
I turned away.

Silence just remains.

Isolated

Anger festers deep within
Sorrow
Is your cage-

Holding on to you

All alone-
Pushing away those who draw near.

Pain remains;
Darkness grows.
You’re consuming it whole.

Damaging darkness prevails.

The harsh heated hatred takes hold.

Isolated feelings remain.

Battling the light that shines on through your night;

Smothering it to darkness-

A constant battle ensues.
Struggling to remain;
The light won’t prevail.

At odds with it all.

Alone in thought.

Drowning within.

Isolation remains.