The Return

This post lays between a poem and blog like two pages stuck together in your favorite book.

On the page where your favorite passage rests.

I took a break.

I lost my way in a hazy maze sometime in October- of some year.

I forgot what I enjoyed about writing.

I forgot how to write.

Maybe, I didn’t forget.

Maybe, I was ignoring the desire, the calling, the muse.

I just let myself fall off the wall refusing to let the kings-men help.

I moved around, numb, on my own endless hamster wheel, living a never-ending rut.

Then, suddenly, I find the desire and joy in writing.

I may not write all the time.

I may not be as consistent as I like but I am here, again.

I fall, over and over again and I like my wounds, I tend to them until they have healed.

I discover the urge that excited me was visiting Rip Van Winkle for a much needed slumber.

Maybe, I had nothing to write about and that’s ok.

Push button start, ignition, READY, SET, WRITE.

Copyright © Delia Marrero 2019 All rights reserved.

WIP-Why I Write

I have been working on two writing projects. One is a compilation of original poetry and the other a novel.

For two years now, I have been chipping away at these projects. In this time I have learned that all writing requires time and patience, and I must first, finish the first draft.

Then, on to revising. Where the first sentence is never right and the next revisions still aren’t quite right until finally, that last draft.

Then, there, you see it, a typo.

Along with the first draft of my novel I am also working on a compilation of poetry, which has taken me just as long. My compilation is a grand total of, ten. These poems have been revised, chopped and altered. They’ve been reviewed and adjusted over time.

I thought poetry would be easy and I had one writing goal last year and that was to publish one poem. Well, 2018 came and went without a publication. I never realized how much time and money it takes to submit entries for consideration and I didn’t realize how much time it takes to fine tune one poem.

So here I am in 2019, still tweaking and finalizing my poetry.

2018, served as my teacher.

2018 showed me how much work is necessary to succeed with my writing.  Success is not necessarily defined by the number of readers you have, or how many times you have been paid to write, (although that is a huge bonus) but, for me, it’s knowing that the few who read my work liked it.

As a writer, I love to read.

And, what I want most is for someone to read through the countless hours of doubt, to inhale my words and enjoy them.

I have learned to write for myself. With the door closed, as Stephen King said. I write to release my energy.

I write when I feel that the pen has something to say that only the paper will understand.

I write to clear my head.

I write for fun.

I write with purpose.

I write just because I want to even when I have nothing to say. I write stories, poems, blogs and I tweet (not so well). But the point is, that I write.

Copyright © Delia Marrero 2019 All rights reserved.

Poetry and Me

Today, I am working on my poems, and I must have hit a nerve.

I began to squirm.

Writing from a place of vulnerability can be exhausting, in part because of the emotional toll it can take on you. Exploring past issues, rehashing out experiences that were once dead and done, reliving memories can be hard.

Lately, I find myself sifting through a compartmentalized box of memories (good and bad).

Sometimes, we bury our feelings deep within the confines of our souls and never really find closure. We move on from a bad moment and some of us never get the closure we need. But, my personal trip down memory lane has left me with a sense of healing, or closure.

What does closure look like?

For me, it comes in the form of a series of poems that explore my life and identity as a woman, a minority, and mother trying to figure out who I am in the midst of trying to raise strong young women.

And, let me tell you I am tired.

I am tired of being subjected to a world that expects certain behaviors and norms in order to succeed. I am tired of the way society has created standards of beauty. I am tired of sitting in a room where I am silently criticized because I color my hair blue (purple, pink, and green) or I have henna on my hands. I’m tired of trying to fit into white America in my America.

But, in this exhaustion I also find truths.

I find that I love discovering myself. I love the beauty of language. I discover that the power of words can move me to tears, bring me joy, or bring me peace. In this vulnerable place of discovery, I use my words to heal my wounds, to find my serenity.

Within the spaces of my lines, I build my stanzas of truth creating my poetic voice.

Copyright © Delia Marrero 2019 All rights reserved.

‘Tis The Season…

‘Tis the season to revel with family and focus on being. ‘Tis a time for joy. ‘Tis the time for shopping, buying toys for boys and girls.

BAH HUMBUG…

I spent many holidays trying to fill the space between the floor and my Christmas tree with wrapped presents. On Christmas morning my kids were so excited to rip open wrapping paper and play with their new toys. Then, a week later those toys were sitting in the toy box. Small pieces were found beneath the sofa and under the sofa-cushion in the dark spaces where the cushion meets the couch.

As a young mom, I really couldn’t afford Christmas but I went out of my way to do so. I wanted to give my kids everything that I could.  I didn’t want them to be left out when they returned to school, but one day I decided enough was enough.

I couldn’t afford to fill a tree with items that would just be disregarded in a few weeks. I stopped burdening my finances. I realize that I buy them needs and wants all year long. I taught my children to understand that I cannot always buy the wants but I will do my best. What this has taught my children:

  1. To be content with anything that they get. (If you ask my kids what they want for Christmas they usually don’t have an answer.)
  2. If they want something and I can’t afford to buy it,  they save their money until they have enough for the item.

I guess I have come to dislike the holiday over time. The years have shown me how we put a monetary value on the meaning of Christmas. I think that we forget about what we should focus on which is eating food and drinking coquito.

Copyright © Delia Marrero 2018 All rights reserved.

The Lost Key

Blogging is an adventurous outlet. A journey I never thought I would embark upon.

I like to think of it as my public journal. A place where I can explore good and bad ideas.

My first journal was a bright red book with cute pictures of lipstick on it and some other things. What I remember is the small key that opened the brass colored lock. I held that key up to the light as though I had discovered some ancient artifact. I recall being filled with dread as I held that key.

What if I lose it? 

The thought scared me. What if I lost the only way to access my deepest thoughts? I had no idea then how easy it was to break the lock but that thought consumed me. I would write, write, and write, until one day I lost the key.

For me, losing that key meant I would never be able to see my words again. I would lose all the writing I had about mean girls. I would lose the secret crushes of my very long life of nine years and I would never be able to write again.

I always had this fear of losing my work.

So as a writer I backup my works and back up the backup. I have a hard copy, I email my self, I save it to my computer and I have a supply of flash drives to backup the backups.

I am sure many other writers fear the dreaded computer crash or that moment when you accidentally delete everything.

And, it happens. It seems to happen when you just finished the ending or revised your final draft (as if there really is such a thing as a final draft) and, you have not backed it up.

One day it happened to me (gasp), the laptop crashed and I didn’t back everything up. I was upset. Not only did I lose the works I also lost my writing companion. That laptop was where I first explored the idea of being a writer. It was pearl white and I had a The World’s Best Mom sticker on it.

I lost my key again.

Then, I replaced that laptop and now I remember to back up the backup. I make multiple copies of the key.

Copyright © Delia Marrero 2018 All rights reserved.

A Dog And My Blog

I write to engage the reader but how do I engage a reader with new and stimulating content when I feel the content getting stale?

A few months ago I found myself enthralled by Vu Le who was speaking at a local event  he stated and I misquote, “Everything is better with kittens.” He proceeded to show a slide of a baby kitten and it was cute, then he continued to talk about the nonprofit world. For me, the take away is that it’s important to have visuals in your blog to engage the reader and there is something about baby animals that make people take notice.

I don’t have a baby kitten but I have my rescued dog…

Jethro

This is a picture from 7 years ago. Now that you are mesmerized by my dog continue reading.

When I first started writing and blogging I was excited.  Ideas were always racing through my head. I had content and I was dumping it into my blog.

Now, I find it hard to finish what I write. I find that writing has become a chore over time. Now it feels forced and stale.

As I try to figure out my words I am left with this question: Where and how do I begin?

This past year has led me to question my identity as both an artist and person. My writing has troubled me for quite some time as I try to find inspiration in my daily life, workshops and writing groups. The writer is hibernating as I sift through the rest of my being.

I am examining old stories and poems, revising and editing trying to find what works again.

I just have to keep chipping away, piece by piece at the boulder that is blocking my path.

Copyright © Delia Marrero 2018 All rights reserved.

Revised: An Empty Love Letter

I just revised this poem. I revised it because after reading it with fresh eyes I realized that it needed something else, it needed a facelift, a poetic facelift.

I am going to try and practice what I learned at The Martha’s Vineyard Institute of CreativeWriting.

I was fortunate enough to attend this program a few weeks ago and I learned so much.

I came home with a new found enthusiasm to work on my poetry and short stories. So this is my first revision of an old post.

via An Empty Love Letter

Writing Update

Five days until I head off to Martha’s Vineyard for a week of creative writing. I am nervous and excited. I have never done anything like this but I know that it will be worth the experience. Lately, writing has been challenging and I am looking forward to breaking through this writer’s block.

I think this week away will help me focus on my craft. I look forward to breaking through this writer’s block!

I am still a little short of my goal check out my most recent update below:

Delia’s Creative Writing Dream

 

I am still working on my goal of raising funds to attend the Martha’s Vineyard Institue of Creative Writing. It’s not easy to continuously ask with originality. Honestly, I am running out of words and thank yous. I have reached out my audience over and over again and I know they must be tired of me at this point but OH WELL I am being persistent.

Chasing what I want and taking the steps towards becoming a better writer.

It always amazes me how the most supportive are those who you would have least expected. Then, those who you thought would support you ignore you but everything in life is a lesson learned.

What I learned is that if I don’t keep at this I will not get anywhere. I can’t be a writer in the dark. I have to find the mentors and workshops, I have to work on my craft, I have to WRITE.

I need to be proactive and do the things that will help me with my craft (NO! I am not talking about witchcraft). Writing takes practice, dedication, and time. Writing is not an overnight success story in which your first attempt is a masterpiece.

So I am still asking for help if you are able to, a share helps too. Below is my Go Fund Me:

https://www.gofundme.com/creative-writer039s-dream