I like writing but I am hesitant about sharing. Self-doubt, apprehension, and fear continuously rear their putrid heads over and over again. The self-doubt and apprehension lead me to write. In part, I believe that this is an oxymoron because the fear and apprehension should make me run from the craft.
The exploration of my language leaves me at a loss sometimes. I am lost in my thoughts and words— constantly. I am lost in observation and I am lost in the wonderment of exploration. I can explore the darkest thoughts of my mind and create something truly unique or I can create a poem that embraces every romantic idea I have ever come across and yet somehow, I feel it’s never good enough.
It’s not good enough so it’s not worth sharing.
I have so many creations, characters, and plots that are begging for exposure.
They haunt my thoughts daily.
They chase me down dark damp dreary desolate corridors.
They rush to the forefront seeking the spotlight in the world. They long to enter the minds of others and leave behind an impression of existence.
And, then, there is me.
I stand in the way of everything. I place myself between the world and my words.
Is this intentional sabotage or uncertainty? It may be both.
So I have decided to make myself uncomfortable! I am trying to share more, I am seeking exposure, albeit, baby steps but nonetheless steps in the WRITE direction.
The first thing I did was enter a poetry contest. This forced me to create and compile a collection of my poetry. A total of 51 poems which explore my love of poetry by exploring the concepts of identity, love, sex, fear, torment, nature, and any other experience of the human existence I could muster up from the left and right hemispheres of my brain.
I am also going to continue my novel, a multi-cultural contemporary romance novel sprinkled with history. The book explores the harsh realities of love, loss, grief, trauma, history and there is the possibility of happiness (this is still to be determined).
And—for my last trick there are these short stories I have been working on. Sorted little tales I take the most pleasure in writing.
I am exploring the world of writing, my world of writing. I am going to take the time and cultivate my craft and figure out what I will do with it in the next few months.
I invite you to share your writing fears, inhibitions or apprehensions. Expose them, explore them then release them.